How to Be a Man (如何成為一個男人)

What does it mean to be a man today? How can men consciously express their masculinity without becoming cold or closed-hearted on the one hand… or wimpy and emasculated on the other? What’s the most loving way for a conscious man to express himself?

Here are 10 ways to live more consciously as a man:

在今日成為一個男人是什麼意思?男人要如何自覺的展現他們的男人特質,且在一方面不變得冷漠或內心封閉… 並在另一方面不變得懦弱或柔弱?什麼是一個自覺的男人展現他自己最美好的方式?

這裡是讓男人更自覺的生活的 10 個方法:

1. Make real decisions.

A man understands and respects the power of choice. He lives a life of his own creation. He knows that life stagnates when he fails to decide and flourishes when he chooses a clear path.

When a man makes a decision, he opens the door he wants and closes the doors he doesn’t want. He locks onto his target like a guided missile. There’s no guarantee he’ll reach his target, and he knows this, but he doesn’t need such guarantees. He simply enjoys the sense of inevitability that comes from pushing the launch button.

A man doesn’t require the approval of others. He’s willing to follow his heart wherever it leads him. When a man is following his heart-centered path, it’s of little consequence if the entire world is against him.

1. 做真正的決定

一個男人瞭解並尊重選擇的力量。他活在一個他自己創造的生活裡。他知道當他不決定時人生停滯,而當他選擇一條清楚的路徑時人生是多采多姿的。

當一個男人做決定時,他打開他想要的門並關上他不想要的門。他像導彈般的鎖住他的目標。沒人能保證他會到達他的目標,而他也知道這點,但他不需要這樣的保證。他就是喜愛壓下發射按鈕所帶來的那必然性感覺。

一個男人不需要別人的認同。他願意追隨他的內心,不管它引領他去哪裡。當一個男人追隨他內心的路徑,即使全世界都反對他,後果也是唯不足道。

2. Put your relationships second.

A man who claims his #1 commitment in life is his relationship partner (or his family) is either too dishonest or too weak to be trusted. His loyalties are misplaced. A man who values individuals above his own integrity is a wretch, not a free thinker.

A man knows he must commit to something greater than satisfying the needs of a few people. He’s not willing to be domesticated, but he is willing to accept the responsibility that comes with greater challenges. He knows that when he shirks that duty, he becomes something less than a man. When others observe that the man is unyieldingly committed to his values and ideals, he gains their trust and respect, even when he cannot gain their direct support. The surest way for a man to lose the respect of others (as well as his self-respect) is to violate his own values.

Life will test the man to see if he’s willing to put loyalty to others ahead of loyalty to his principles. The man will be offered many temptations to expose his true loyalties. A man’s greatest reward is to live with integrity, and his greatest punishment is what he inflicts upon himself for placing anything above his integrity. Whenever the man sacrifices his integrity, he loses his freedom… and himself as well. He becomes an object of pity.

2. 把你的兩性關係放在第二順位

一個聲稱人生第一重要的是他的另一半 (或家人) 的男人不是太不誠實就是太軟弱而不能被信賴。他的忠誠放錯位置。一個把別人的價值擺在他自己人格之上的男人是一個可憐的人,不是一個自主的思考者。

一個男人知道他必需投入在比滿足幾個人的需求更大的事情裡。他不願意被家庭化,但他願意接受伴隨更大挑戰所帶來的責任。他知道當他閃躲那個責任,他變得不足是一個男人。當其它人看到這個男人不退讓地全然投入於他的價值及理想,他得到他們的信任及尊重,即便是他不能得到他們直接的支持。一個男人失去別人尊重 (及他的自尊) 最肯定的方式是違背他自己的價值。

生活將考驗男人來看他是否願意把對別人的忠誠擺在他的原則之上。男人會被提供許多誘惑來暴露他真正的忠誠。一個男人最大的報償是正直的生活,而他最大的懲罰是經由把事情放在他人格之上而帶給自己的痛楚。每當男人犧牲他的人格,他即失去了他的自由… 以及他自己。他成為一個被可憐的對象。

3. Be willing to fail.

A man is willing to make mistakes. He’s willing to be wrong. He’d rather try and fail than do nothing.

A man’s self-trust is one of his greatest assets. When he second-guesses himself by worrying about failure, he diminishes himself. An intelligent man considers the prospect of failure, but he doesn’t preoccupy himself with pointless worry. He accepts that if a failure outcome occurs, he can deal with it.

A man grows more from failure than he does from success. Success cannot test his resolve in the way that failure can. Success has its challenges, but a man learns more about himself when he takes on challenges that involve risk. When a man plays it safe, his vitality is lost, and he loses his edge.

3. 願意失敗

一個男人願意犯錯。他願意是錯的一方。他寧可嘗試並失敗也不要什麼都不做。

一個男人對自我的信任是他最大的資產之一。當他藉由擔心失敗來自我猜測,他削弱了自己。一個有才智的人顧及失敗的前景,但他不讓沒意義的擔心占滿他的思緒。他認同如果有一個失敗的結果發生,他能夠處理它。

一個男人在失敗中的成長大於他在成功中的成長。成功無法同失敗般的測試他的決心。成功有它的挑戰,但當一個男人接受帶有風險的挑戰他會更加瞭解自己。當一個男人小心翼翼,他失去了生命力,且失去了他的鋒芒。

4. Be confident.

A man speaks and acts with confidence. He owns his attitude.

A man doesn’t adopt a confident posture because he knows he’ll succeed. He often knows that failure is a likely outcome. But when the odds of success are clearly against him, he still exudes confidence. It isn’t because he’s ignorant or suffering from denial. It’s because he’s proving to himself that he has the strength to transcend his self-doubt. This builds his courage and persistence, two of his most valuable allies.

A man is willing to be defeated by the world. He’s willing to be taken down by circumstances beyond his control. But he refuses to be overwhelmed by his own self-doubt. He knows that when he stops trusting himself, he is surely lost. He’ll surrender to fate when necessary, but he won’t surrender to fear.

4. 有自信

一個男人有自信的講話及做事,他掌控他的態度。

一個男人採取自信的姿態不是因為他知道他將他成功。他通常知道失敗是一個可能的結果。但當成功的機率明顯的對他不利,他仍然散發自信。這不是因為他無知或拒絕接受。這是因為他在向自己證明他有超越自我懷疑的力量。這會建立他的勇氣及堅持,他其中兩個最有價值的盟友。

一個人願意被世界打敗,他願意被他所不能控制的環境所打倒,但他拒絕被自己的自我懷疑所征服。他知道當他停止相信自己,他必然會失敗。有必要時他將向命運投降,但他不會向恐懼投降。

5. Express love actively.

A man is an active giver of love, not a passive receiver. A man is the first to initiate a conversation, the first to ask for what’s needed, and the first to say “I love you.” Waiting for someone else to make the first move is unbecoming of him. The universe does not respond positively to his hesitation. Only when he’s in motion do the floodgates of abundance open.

Man is the out-breath of source energy. It is his job — his duty — to share his love with the world. He must wean himself from suckling the energy of others and become a vibrant transmitter of energy himself. He must allow that energy to flow from source, through him, and into the world. When he assumes this role, he has no doubt he is living as his true self.

5. 主動表達你的愛

一個男人是愛的主動給予者,不是一個被動的接受者。一個男人是第一個開始談話的人,第一個問有何需要的人,及第一個說「我愛你」的人。等待其它人做第一個動作是不適合他的。宇宙不會正面地回應他的猶豫。只有他在行動時圈住豐裕的閘門才會打開。

男人是能量源頭的延伸。與世界分享他的愛是他的工作 – 他的責任。他必需自行斷絕吸取別人的能量並自己成為一個活躍的能量傳送者。他必需允許那個能量從源頭流出,經由他,然後進入世界。當他接受了這個角色,他不會懷疑他是以他真正的自我在生活。

6. Re-channel sex energy.

A man doesn’t hide his sexuality. If others shrink from him because he’s too masculine, he allows them to have their reaction. There’s no need for him to lower his energy just to avoid frightening the timid. A man accepts the consequences of being male; he makes no apologies for his nature.

A man is careful not to allow his energy to get stuck at the level of lust. He re-channels much of his sexual energy into his heart and head, where it can serve his higher values instead of just his animal instincts. (You can do this by visualizing the energy rising, expanding, and eventually flowing throughout your entire body and beyond.)

A man channels his sexual energy into his heart-centered pursuits. He feels such energy pulsing within him, driving him to action. He feels uncomfortable standing still. He allows his sexual energy to explode through his heart, not just his genitals.

6. 重新導向性能力

一個男人不會隱藏他的性徵。如果別人因為他太男人而迴避他,他接受他們能有他們的反應。他沒有必要只為避免驚嚇膽小者而降低他的能量。一個男人接受身為男性的結果;他不會為他的本性而道歉。

一個男人會留意不讓他的能量卡在性欲的層面。他將他大部分的性能量重新導向他的心智及大腦,在那它可以為他更高層級的價值服務,而不是只有他的動物本能。(你可以做到,藉由想像此能量上升、擴張,最後在你整個身體流動甚至超出。)

一個男人將他的性能量導向他內心的追求。他感受到這能量在他體內脈動,驅使他去行動。站著不動讓他感到不舒服。他讓他的性能量經由他的內心爆發,而不是只透過他的生殖器。

7. Face your fears.

For a man, being afraid of something is reason enough to do it. A man’s fear is a call to be tested. When a man hides from his fears, he knows he’s fallen out of alignment with his true self. He feels weak, depressed, and helpless. No matter how hard he tries to comfort himself and achieve a state of peace, he cannot overcome his inner feeling of dread. Only when facing his fears does a man experience peace.

A man makes a friend of risk. He doesn’t run and hide from the tests of fear. He turns toward them and engages them boldly.

A man succeeds or fails. A coward never makes the attempt. Specific outcomes are of less concern to a man than his direction.

A man feels like a man whenever he faces the right way, staring straight into his fears. He feels even more like a man when he advances in the direction of his fears, as if sailing on the winds of an inner scream.

7. 面對你的恐懼

對一個男人來說,害怕做某件事已給他充足的理由去做它。一個男人的害怕是一個考驗的徵召。當一個男人躲避他的恐懼,他已脫離了他的真實自我。他感到軟弱、消沈、及無助。不管他多麼努力安慰自己及達到一個平靜的狀態,他無法克服內在的擔憂感覺。只有在面對恐懼時一個男人才能感到平靜。

一個男人與風險做朋友,他不會逃跑或躲避恐懼的考驗,他轉身面對它們並與它們勇敢交手。

一個男人成功或失敗,一個懦夫從不做嘗試。相較於他的方向,一個男人比較不在意特定的結果。

每當一個男人面朝對的方向,直視他的恐懼,他會感覺像一個男人。當他朝他恐懼的方向前進,猶如在心中尖叫的風上航行,他感覺更像是一個男人。

8. Honor the masculinity of other men.

When a man sees a male friend undertaking a new venture that will clearly lead to failure, what does the man do? Does he warn his friend off such a path? No, the man encourages his friend to continue. The man knows it’s better for his friend to strike out confidently and learn from the failure experience. The man honors his friend’s decision to reach out and make the attempt. The man won’t deny his friend the benefits of a failure experience. The man may offer his friend guidance, but he knows his friend must fail repeatedly in order to develop self-trust and courage.

When you see a man at the gym struggling to lift a heavy weight, do you jump in and say, “Here… let me help you with that. Maybe the two of us can lift it together”? No, that would rob him of the growth experience — and probably make a quick enemy of him as well.

The male path is filled with obstacles. It typically includes more failures than successes. These obstacles help a man discover what’s truly important to him. Through repeated failures a man learns to persist in the pursuit of worthy goals and to abandon goals that are unworthy of him.

A man can handle being knocked down many times. For every physical setback he experiences, he enjoys a spiritual advancement, and that is enough for him.

8. 尊重其它男人的男子氣

當一個男人看到一個男性朋友從事一項新的、明顯會通往失敗的事業,他會怎麼做?他會警告他朋友離開這條路嗎?不,男人會鼓勵他的朋友繼續。男人知道讓他朋友自信的踏出且從失敗經驗裡學習比較好。男人尊重他朋友努力爭取及嘗試的決定。男人不會拒給他的朋友一個失敗經驗的益處。男人可能會提供引導給他的朋友,但他知道他的朋友必需重覆的失敗來發展對自我的信任及勇氣。

當你看到一個男人在健身房奮力舉起很重的砝碼,你會跑去說:「來… 讓我幫你舉,我們兩個或許可以一同舉它」?不,那會搶走他的成長經驗 – 且很可能馬上成為他的敵人。

男人的旅途是充滿障礙的,一般而言它包含的失敗比成功多。這些阻礙能幫助一個男人發掘什麼是真正對他重要的。透過重覆的失敗,一個男人學會堅持對有價值目標的追求並拋棄對他沒價值的目標。

一個男人能處理多次被擊倒。每一次身體上的挫折,他體驗、他享受到心靈的提升,而那對他已經足夠。

9. Accept responsibility for your relationships.

A man chooses his friends, lovers, and associates consciously. He actively seeks out the company of people who inspire and challenge him, and he willingly sheds those who hold him back.

A man doesn’t blame others for his relationship problems. When a relationship is no longer compatible with his heart-centered path, he initiates the break-up and departs without blame or guilt.

A man holds himself accountable for the relationships he allows into his life. He holds others accountable for their behavior, but he holds himself accountable for his decision to tolerate such behavior.

A man teaches others how to treat him by the relationships he’s willing to allow into his life. A man refuses to fill his life with negative or destructive relationships; he knows that’s a form of self-abuse.

9. 為你的人際關係負責

一個男人自覺的挑選他的朋友、愛人、及夥伴。他主動找到能激發及挑戰他的人的陪伴,而且他願意脫離抑制住他的人。

一個男人不會因他的人際關係問題而怪別人。當一個關係不再與他內心的道路相符時,他提起分手且不帶責難或罪惡感的離開。

一個男人要自己責負他允許進入他人生的人際關係。他要求別人對他們的行為負責,但他要求自己對忍受該行為的決定負責。

一個男人藉由他願意允許進入他人生的人際關係來教導別人如何對待他。一個男人拒絕讓負面或破壞性關係充斥在他的人生裡;他知道那是自虐的一種型式。

10. Die well.

A man’s great challenge is to develop the inner strength to express his true self. He must learn to share his love with the world without holding back. When a man is satisfied that he’s done that, he can make peace with death. But if he fails to do so, death becomes his enemy and haunts him all the days of his life.

A man cannot die well unless he lives well. A man lives well when he accepts his mortality and draws strength from knowing that his physical existence is temporary. When a man faces and accepts the inevitability of death… when he learns to see death as his ally instead of his enemy… he’s finally able to express his true self. So a man isn’t ready to live until he accepts that he’s already dead.

10. 完好的死

一個男人的大挑戰是培養他內在的力量來展現他真正的自己。他必需學習沒有保留的與世界分享他的愛。當一個男人滿意他已做到這點,他即可與死亡和諧共處。但他如果沒做到這點,死亡成為他的敵人且在他人生的每一天困擾著他。

一個男人無法完好的死除非他完好的活。當一個男人接受他的死亡,並從瞭解他的驅體存在只是暫時的那得到力量,他便可以完好的活。當一個男人面對且接受死亡的必然性… 當他學到把死亡看作他的盟友而不是他的敵人… 他最終將能表達他真正的自己。所以一個男人還沒準備好活著直到他接受他已經死亡。

此篇文章取自 Steve Pavlina 的部落格:StevePavlina.com – Personal Development for Smart People (聰明人的個人成長)

  1. Hi, John,

    Who wrote this article? It’s interesting; however, you didn’t indicate the source. I assumed you would post “How to Be a Woman” today(02/06/2012), but you didn’t. So when will we read the counterpart in order to make a comparison?

    • Baobao, sorry for the late reply. This article is written by a very popular blogger named Steve Pavlina. His blog is called Personal Development for Smart People. “How to Be a Man” is one of his most popular articles. He invited his female readers to write “How to Be a Woman” and submit to him. He has picked and published his favorites. Maybe I will publish one of them in the future.

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